


My Best Friend

by Brochacho



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-10 16:46:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11130720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brochacho/pseuds/Brochacho
Summary: It's hard to admit to myself, but I feel like I've lost someone important. He acts like nothing happened, like everything is fine and we're fine, but I know it's different. We're different.





	My Best Friend

Since high school started, I've felt like I've lost my best friend. I could feel how we began to drift apart, although we've been best friends - almost like real family - ever since I can remember. We're too different. I can admit that. I'm shallow, quiet, selfish and I'm too anxious. Meanwhile he's loud, obnoxious, funny, and kind. 

When we were kids, I would always call him over to hang out, and I know it's selfish, but I just want him to stay with me. I don't want him to be with anyone else. I don't want him to have fun with anyone else.

I almost want to go back to the good old days. Back to kindergarten, back to our innocent days as naive children, because after that it just doesn't feel right. At least not during school hours. One day he stopped coming to eat lunch with me, and he wouldn't want to be with me on our break or free time. There was always someone else for him to be with - someone other than me - whether it was a girlfriend or one of the 'guys'. We weren't as close as we used to be. I wasn't his first choice anymore.

It's funny. There was this one time we were playing in the park by my house and he told me in confidence, that he's different with his other friends, but he can act normally around me. He doesn't tell me stuff like that anymore.

Now, we're in high school, and it's worse. Our class schedule is different, so the only time I get to see him or talk to him is at lunch or on the odd chance we get to walk home together. He's got other people besides me, other friends that he sees all the time, and then there's his girlfriend. It hurts me. It's so goddamn painful to see him laughing with someone that's not me, and I'm mad at myself for thinking that way.

What am I supposed to do? I know that it can't be me, and I can't do anything about that. I'm happy for him. He's got someone he really likes and she doesn't seem like a total bitch, but it annoys me when he talks about her. I want to be his best friend forever; I want to be the only one he sees.

We were supposed to be together forever, like brothers. That's what I always thought, and that's what it's always been - until now. Maybe it's just me, because I'm so insecure, self-conscious, and maybe I'm not the most fun to be around. So what if I would rather nap than go skateboarding? I'm not good with groups of people because I can never get a word in. Everyone's so loud and before - before he would listen to me, he would help me have my turn, as ridiculous as that sounds. Lately, I just can't get myself out of the house when I don't have to be. I like relaxing.

There are times when he's talked to me in the halls, and I don't know what to do because I think I'll embarrass myself. His personality is overwhelming and bright. I can't think of anything else to say because he's so amazing. What can I say? He's the popular kid, the guy who isn't afraid of shouting out whatever he's thinking or feeling. He's the kind of guy everyone knows and loves. I love him too.

I can't like him that way though, that's what I keep telling myself. A lot of people have asked me if I have a crush on him because I'm always talking about him. Ever since I could remember, we've been best friends. I've spent my life up until now with him, so it's hard to think about us being any different. 

All I want is someone who I can joke around with and be myself. When I say whatever is on my mind or talk about something ridiculous, I want to tell him and now that he's not going to judge me or think anything differently. I want someone who can rely on me and tell me their problems, so I can help them out with whatever they need. I want him.

There's this 'what if?' swimming around in my head these days. It's taunting me with absurd questions. What if I was never his best friend? What if he never wanted to be friends with me? What if he doesn't like me? What if I was never as important to him as I thought I was? I don't want to think those thoughts, nor do I want to believe it.

My parents are worse. I come home from school everyday and they ask how he's doing. I say "he's good" even if I haven't seen him at all this week. Some days I don't even know if he went to school. I want to see him, I want him to wrap his arm around my shoulder and tell me something really funny so we can laugh and go back to how things were.

Lately, he's all that's been on my mind. I'm not hung up on him, I'm not that person, but I can't deny that I think about him. When I'm alone, I wish that he was sitting beside me. I want him to be in my class so when the teacher says we can pick our partners, he will look me dead in the eyes and give me that wonderful smile that tells me he's mine and I'm his. I long for those moments where he rushes into the cafeteria with his lunch, ready to sit with me and tell me all about his day. Why can't I have him to myself? Is that such a bad thing?

I don't like making new friends. Most of them don't want to stick around, and all of my old friends are settling in to high school life and they already know everyone in the school. If I wasn't a better person, I would feel like crying. I wish I could get him to come back to me. I'm angry when I see him with other people like it's normal that he's not around. He's off having fun with who knows who and it's not me.

It hurts me. I sometimes wonder if he caught on to my affections for him. If he knew how I stared a little too long at his chest when we went to the beach, he may have thought it was weird. I don't know. I'm making things up because I want him back.

People mature and they change. High school changes so many people. He's grown up into a handsome man and I'm left to watch him change. I can see it in his smile that he's still the precious drop of sunshine I grew up with, but he's not beside me anymore. 

All I want is to be a bigger part of his life. At the very least, I want to be invited to his wedding. I want to be there when he needs someone, to be the person he calls when something happens and times are rough. I'm greedy, I know, but I'm willing to admit all of my faults if it means I can get my best friend back.


End file.
